I really don’t know exactly why I am writing this. Just something bothersome within me that is telling me to just write it down and move on from it. I guess a good way to start this segment is to simple put, I don’t understand friendship.
You think that if you are honest to people, and go about your life as a decent person that something like friendship would not be hard to maintain. But true friendship is something that is incredibly hard to come upon. An understanding, non-judgmental, accepting, and caring relationship between two friends is incredibly hard to come by. I can honestly say through my almost 25 years of my life I have only met one person that I can call a true friend, that wasn’t a family member or a boyfriend.
We’ve been through so much. Our lives are always moving in different directions, we never talk all the time, sometimes she flakes on me because shes busy, or I flake on her because I am swamped with my own commitments in my life. But no wrong is every taken, and she is always very understanding, and is happy that I am honest with her. But we never miss each other’s birthdays, every time we text each other there’s something to talk about. I am supportive of her and what she wants to do, and she is supportive of my life and my accomplishments, my decisions, and my relationships. Most importantly, she trusts me. There is never a dull moment, even if we are just sitting on the carpet talking about life. I’ve done things she disagreed with, and she have always had to nerve to stand up to me and tell me that I’m wrong. But in the end, we still remain friends no matter what. I don’t think she even know how much she means to me, but I know things may change in the future, but I hope to extend our friendship out as long as possible, and fight for it.
I believe that people tend to feel the world is supposed to revolve around them without realizing it. Rants and vents on Facebook, constant virtual updates on your life to the world through Instagram. Its just human to believe that people should pay attention to you. I mean, we are at the top of the food chain, and regarded as one of the most intelligent species out there, although its arguable. But sometimes it’s not just about you, there are millions of other factors involved, and if you just take a moment to be understanding. It would all make more sense, and ultimately you would feel much better.
I feel like I’ve been going a lot of changes lately, that a lot of people won’t be able to understand, neither should I have to explain myself. As I grow older I have accepted that, sometimes friends will just make up a reason, or an image of you, and use it as a good reason to walk on out of your life. At least for me, every single time a friend, no matter how close we are walk out of my life, it hurts just enough for me to think of about it. But like the one true friend I previous brought up once told me, “Your true friends will always stay behind.” Kind of like gold mining, when you shift through dirt on a pan and wait to see those rare pieces of sparkle that always linger behind.
I’m tired of holding on to relationships that are judgmental, hateful, uncomfortable, and shallow. Honestly if a friendship only takes a little bump in the road to break. It’s not one that is worth keeping. I used to blame myself for every single broken relationship in my life, but I’m tired of doing that. I just have to accept that sometimes we will just leave, and yeah it’ll hurt but life will still go on, and you can’t be the one left stuck in an non-existent moment of time. I can’t hold on to little things that are going to constantly bring me down. It hurts too much to care.